Homesickness, and Thanksgiving

So I just visited Laura's blog, and very fortunately for me she had posted a series of lovely, calming, peaceful and reflective posts. I was having a bit of a rough day today. Namely, I received my first photograph from home today, and it was of my youngest baby sister laughing at the flickering candles on her first birthday cake, and it left me depressed all day. Isn't that strange? I should be ecstatic just because I got to see her beautiful face again, but . . . well, it's changed. Like I knew it would, but still. And in all that joy and sweetness in her smile, in her laugh, in her eyes . . . there wasn't any for me. I'm not in her life right now, and no matter how I play with her and communicate with her on holidays and as time grows by and she grows up and realizes that her elder sister is living away from home, I can't change that. The bitter fact that she has lived these past few months and grown and changed and now has a laugh and the tentative beginnings of a voice and a feisty personality and a recognition of and love for her family. And that I am not a part of any of that. She celebrated her birthday, lived these past few months of her life without missing me, and she never will. Oh, that might seem so silly to people who don't have little siblings and love little siblings like I do! But trust me, it's hard, hard, hard.

. . . Enough of that. I was crying at my computer screen earlier, and it does sound very comical, but isn't so funny in practice. But Laura, your post helped me a lot. I do have a lot to be thankful for. Life is beautiful no matter where you are. I'm fortunate in my family, that even though I'm not with them I can still write to them and speak on the phone to them and I'm going home in 19 days!

Thanks, Linden. Thank you very much. (And I have your Christmas gift wrapped and ready, but part of it might be a little late. We'll see.)

Well, now that I've been able to vent a little and get all my accumulated 'feeling-sorry-for-myself' out of the way, it's time to share a little about my four-day weekend.

Thursday: Thanksgiving, of course. And what better way to kick off Thanksgiving than to watch 'The Fellowship of the Ring'? Which of course I did. And I went to Thanksgiving dinner with my grandmother and a few of her friends, and the food was quite good, but I stuck out like a sore thumb because I wore a dress and everyone else was wearing t-shirts, shorts, and 'rubbah slippahs'. But I didn't mind too much, because I believe that any festive day must be accompanied by nice attire, and so laughed good-naturedly when one of the locals joked that I was so obviously from the mainland "Where they dress up nice the kind, you know?"

By the way, out here people eat sushi for Thanksgiving. I found that interesting.

Friday: I spent some time exploring the island with a friend and his family. Up in the mountains enormous white birds nest, and their voices sound like strange spirits screaming and wailing in the treetops. It gave me delightful shivers. And a huge, dizzyingly tall and ancient tree graciously unfurled a vine almost as thick as my fist so that it fell from hundreds of feet up to halt dangling merely an inch or so from my nosetip.

Of course I accepted the nice old tree's invitation and had a swing.

Saturday: Cold (for Hawaii, which means about 70 degrees yes-I-know-what-you're-thinking-Laura-if-it's-any-consolation-to-you-I-didn't-think-it-was-cold-really) and very rainy. I spent all day cooped indoors, which was an excuse to get some writing, cooking, and cleaning done. As well as a good gob of homework. I meant to do some art, but fell asleep first. Oops.

Sunday: I visited a very large, very wonderful Hawaiian craft fair, as well as a local shopping mall. And by 5 o'clock--I had completed my Christmas shopping! It came at the cost of aching feet and slight dehydration, but it was all well worth it. I had a magnificent time, and it does feel so good to buy things for other people, doesn't it? I didn't even go broke, either, so all in all it was a lovely and productive day. Mission accomplished!

So the wreaths are going up, carols are being played, and fake snow even adorns a few buildings here, looking very out of place. But--'tis the season to be jolly and joyous! And thanksgiving is not too long gone. So:

I am thankful for Laura, Kat, Andromanche, Raven's Eye, Elendil, Luce, my dance friends, my other friends, my school friends, and anyone else I might be forgetting who has ever given me a kind word or a smile when I have needed it most.

I am thankful for my imagination, which can keep me entertained and make the world beautiful even when sometimes I am very tired and occasionally discouraged and lonely.

I am thankful for all the amazing authors whom I admire, but mostly for JRR Tolkien, for helping shape my soul, and for LM Montgomery, whose Anne is an increasing source of inspiration to me as I work through college.

I am thankful for my family, whom I love with all my heart and all of whom make me laugh and think and learn.

I am thankful for little things: the tiny geckos with golden eyes, and the pounding of rain against a glassy window, and the smell of good paper and ink, and sweet green air.

I am thankful for big things: rainbows and good grades and literature and sparkling seas.

I am thankful that I am able to be thankful.

And yes, I am thankful that in 19 days I will be home again.

Amen.